Assallamu-alaikum. I got married in 1989, and it was the norm then that when a woman gets married she changes her father's name to her husband's name, the implication of that was not known to us. But when I grew up I read one hadith of the Prophet (SAW) that he was commanded by Allah (SWA) to make Zaid (his adopted son) to revert to his father's name. I made a lot more consultations that proved that a woman should maintain her surname even after marriage.
I told my husband about this situation far back then after we were married for two years but he made a comment that I got scared of its implication. "He said if you change your surname to your fathers' then you are not my wife". I knew the implication of what he said but I thought obeying him is obeying Allah. In some instance I changed my surname to my fathers' but my official documents still had his name my surname.
I'm confused at the situation of my marriage, if I change my surname to my fathers' who is a ruling by Allah (SWA) and disobeys my husband, does this invalidate our marriage considering the time difference? Is this considered a divorce?
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
If you husband never intended to divorce you but only wanted to intimate you then it is not considered as divorce; however, he needs to offer kaffarah (a compensation); he should feed ten poor persons; if he cannot then he needs to fast three days.
As for you adding your husband's surname, it is permissible as long as it is clear that you are following the custom of the country and it does not in any way indicate or suggest that he is your father. You need not to be rigid on issues which are not related to fundamentals of religion. We are allowed to go by customs as long as they do not violate any of the fundamental principles of religion. By keeping your husband's surname after your marriage you are not in any way suggesting that he is your father.
Allah Almighty knows best.