House hold problems: Should I (wife) keep patient (sabr) or divorce?
Salaams, May Allah reward you for all your hard work.
I have been married for nearly 6 years and have a daughter who is nearly 3 years Alhumdulliah. My husband is very heavily dependant on class A drugs and also sells it most of the time. We do not get on at all and we can go on not talking to each other for weeks. In a month we probably have about 2 good days and that’s it. From the second day of our marriage I regretted getting married to him, it was a love marriage, (no love left now, more like it's become hate). I’m sure he wants to get off the drugs and every few months he tries by himself and I have to constantly put up with his mood, withdrawal symptoms etc. I have tried to help him but he doesn’t want to see the doctor, thinks he can do it by himself, but of course he can’t.
I feel really unhappy and depressed, he does not spend time with us, or plays with our daughter now and then, and he is mainly just sleeping. Even on `Eid days he is the same. It is like I am a single mother, I have spoken to him about this few times and he knows, I told him that if Allah had not given me sabr (patience), then I would have left the marriage in the first year, but because I pray and put my trust in Allah he helps me but now it seems my sabr is running out and I think we are just staying together for our daughter, not that she gets much from him. I tell him that when he starts praying and doesn’t do haram then Allah will make things better, even knowing this he does nothing.
I cannot go on like this anymore. I have suggested to speak to an Imam or someone that can help us but he doesn’t want to do that, he don’t listen to anyone and you cannot say anything to him because he just gets angry, that’s why I just don’t say anything anymore, I speak to him when we have a good day and he knows and says he will change but then it never happens and its back to square one. I have lived with this for 6 years and in a way I know we will be better off alone.
The other thing I wanted to ask was that I work from home doing a little work and earn about £300 monthly which goes on food, clothes, child etc. I know it is my husband’s duty to provide for us but because his money is from haram source then I just spend my own, but now I think about the future, maybe go for Hajj, funeral expenses, etc. I always say to my husband Allah provides for all. I was wondering if it would be ok for me to ask my husband for about £30 a week for food etc. or would it still be haram?
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
I find it strange about what you called "sabr" or patience. I understand how you tried hard to seek solutions and give your husband a chance to change, but as you said he is not willing to change, and he continues to take/sell drugs, ignore you etc. If the only reason you still hold to this relationship is your daughter, let me assure you that it is not for the best interest of your daughter to grow up in this unhealthy environment.
As for the second question, if your husband works another job other than selling drugs and this job is halal, then you take his money without having to worry about the permissibility.
However, if his income is absolutely earned from selling drugs, then it is for your wara' (high level of conscience) to seek other means to support yourself and your child.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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