Breaking an engagement
May Allah reward you for the help you are providing us by answering our questions!
What does Islam say about breaking an engagement (knowing that during the ceremony an Imam was present and reading Quran) because the following is my situation?
I’m 24 and I love a person since I’m 11, a person I’ve never talked to or seen since then (we were living in the same neighborhood). I just know it inside my heart, that’s why I (from 11 years old till now) ask Allah in all my duaas to allow me to be the wife of this person in this world and the hereafter. I also used to ask Allah to make my feelings for him reciprocal. And subhanallah, 1 month ago, I learnt that he has the same feelings and that he loves me too since he was a child…
But he was too scared to propose because he thought I would say no (because he thought I was too good for him) and that would have broke his heart. And I thought the same, that he was too good for me and that as a girl I could not say that I wanted this person to be my husband (so I kept all this a secret between me and Allah and I had only faith in him to realize my duaa).
The problem is that before we both realize that we both love each other since ever, he got engaged to another person (2 months ago). He did it just because as a Muslim he wanted to marry, any person, because he was sure he could not have the only wife he wanted…i.e. me. He does not love her and he knows that he is not going to be happy but he is afraid to make his fiancée and her family suffer (she has no father) and he doesn’t know if islamically he can break his engagement or nikah (I don’t know what it is exactly but an Imam was present…).
Is he allowed to break his engagement? (We live in France and for the law they are not married). Are there hadiths or Quran verses that talk about that? If yes what is the best way to do it? I am a very practicing Muslim woman alhamdulillah and I was never in any ways involved with this person…I just have these strong feelings inside my heart and since I am 11 I keep asking Allah to make me become his wife, and because I have faith only in Him I still believe that it is possible . So I multiplied my prayers, my dua`as and I am also fasting for 2 weeks now…Is it haram to ask Allah to give the person the strength to break his engagement?
The fact that Allah make us discover that our feelings were reciprocal makes me also think that maybe Allah wants us to be together in shaa Allah and that this situation is a test for both of us… Could you please help me in this situation by please telling us what to do without disobeying Allah?
Jazakum Allah khairan
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
I think this is a chance for you to re-organize your thoughts and reconsider your choices. The point that both of you were “too good” for each other is not a reason to seek other choices in marriage. And the fact that you build up your hopes around one person and you keep waiting for him, even after he has already considered another option, is really strange. Marriage is not a trial, but a determination. Therefore, you should not be so obsessed by him if he already made up his decision.
As for his engagement, it is a promise of marriage. He should therefore keep his promise and respect his fiancée’s feelings. However, breaking off engagement is allowed, especially if there are valid grounds for it, such as if both parties started to develop negative feelings towards each other and they no longer get a long easily with each other. In this case, all financial rights should be settled and engagement maybe broken. Again, that has nothing to do with your case; this is between him and his fiancée.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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