Unfairness Among The Children

muslimfamily Question:

My parents treat my two younger brothers as 'the key to their success, while they treat me and my four older sisters with hatred and disgust. My parents forced 3 of my sisters at 16, 17, and 18 to marry- the same year. For me & my older sister we worked & educated ourselves, while watching my parents spend on our younger brothers. I am barely making it, while my parents spend foolishly on my two brothers, and don’t require them to work. Is it fair for my parents to spend thousands of dollars on my brothers to go to school (far away) while they 'don’t want to bother with us.' Please help!


Your parents are acting in clear violation of the Laws of Allah. As parents they are mandated to treat all their children with fairness and justice. Since they have not done so, you are not to be blamed in feelings of bitterness towards them.

It is imperative that parents deal justly and fairly among all their children; the Prophet, peace be upon him, said, “Fear Allah and deal justly and fairly among your children!” According to an authentic report jointly reported by both Bukhari and Muslim, we read that once a man appeared before the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said, “ I intend to give this son of mine a gift” The Prophet asked, “do you have other children?” He said, “yes”; he asked, “Did you give them all a similar gift?”; the man replied, “no” then the Prophet said, “don’t make me witness for this, for I cannot be a witness for an unjust act!” The Prophet further asked him, “Do you expect all of your children to act fairly and kindly towards you? He said, “Certainly”; then the Prophet said, “Then you too must never act unfairly towards any one of them!”

Since it is not healthy to carry such feelings and brood over them, you must bring this matter to the attention of your parents so that they themselves take the necessary steps to rectify the situation. Let them know how their behaviour has paved the way to creating ill-feelings and bitterness in your minds against them as well your younger brothers. If the other brothers and sisters are fair enough and Islamic minded in their thinking, they should not accept anything from parents if it amounts to depriving their siblings of their legitimate rights.

Having said this, however, I must add: If the brothers you have mentioned are suffering from some kind of disabilities or handicaps that prevent them from being independent then your parents are allowed to take that factor into account in their treatments towards them.

Source: Islam.ca (Sheikh Ahmad Kutty)